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I’m Scared to Give Birth

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Scared to give Birth

Have you ever been so excited for a moment you've been waiting for that when that moment gets closer, you start to freak out a bit?

It's like reality just tapped you on the shoulder to say, "Hey, how YOU doin'?" in a creepy Joey-from-Friends kinda way.

As the weeks progress, I realize I could give birth at any moment now, even though I'm just 34 weeks along.

I don't have a crib. I don't have a stroller. I don't even have a carseat.

But what's really freaking me out now is giving birth.

Actually, there are four reasons why I'm scared to give birth beyond the obvious pain that comes with the territory.

1. My vagina tearing.

I am deathly afraid of this happening. I mean, with all the pain that comes with delivering a baby, will I even feel it tearing (if it does)?

I've heard about doing Kegels religiously (which I've been doing a great job by the way) and I've heard of perennial massages, but dude... what if doing those things still cause my lady part to tear?! And if it does tear, will it tear all the way to "the other hole"???

Getting an episiotomy is right up there with tearing. Just the thought of it makes me shudder...

You might be laughing, or even a bit disgusted by now, but I'm dead serious. This whole tearing issue has got me a bit shaken up. Please let my vagina be nice to me!

2. Pooping while pushing.

Ain't gonna lie. This one probably crosses the mind of so many women that it's not news here.

Now, I'm gonna get a bit TMI here. I've been pooping a lot lately. Like, multiple times a day, every day.

Except yesterday. I didn't go at all yesterday.

But lately, I've been pooping more than I ever have in my entire life! Yes, I'm pooping for two, but DUDE... this much?!

It seriously has me wondering if 1) I'm gonna poop when I give birth, and 2) how much of the stuff is gonna come outta me!

Dear Lord, please allow me to poop before I go into labor... or at least before I can't move on my own anymore...

3. Requiring a C-Section.

From what I've read, C-Sections are usually done in emergency situations. Perhaps there are instances when it's been predetermined that a C-Section is necessary (i.e. the baby is too big to be delivered through the birth canal), but to my understanding, it's usually to save the baby and mother.

The C-Section itself doesn't scare me, but the recovery period afterwards does. It's basically a major surgery!

I'm afraid of the pain that's associated with it is (will it hurt when I sneeze or cough?). I'm afraid of being immobile for longer than I'd expect (will I be able to get out of bed to use the bathroom on my own?). I'm afraid of being so exhausted from recovering that I won't be able to care for my baby.

4. Dying.

Yes, this may sound a bit dramatic, but I am actually afraid of dying when I give birth.

I know that there are sooooo many women who give birth at hospitals everyday and the chances of dying are so slim, but the fact that the risk is still there terrifies me!

What if I lose so much blood that I can't be brought back to life?
What if my heart stops beating because of all the pain I'm in?
What if I push so hard that my intestines leave my body???

Okay, maybe I shouldn't be so worried about dying, but I don't rule anything out. Positive thinking... positive thinking...

Those are the main reasons why I'm scared to give birth.

Thousands and thousands of women have gone through it. I feel like no book in the world can tell you what it feels like (like pushing a watermelon out? Whoa.). I just gotta discover it for myself.

Of course, it'll all be worth it in the end. This is what Aaron and I wanted and I've been preparing my body for nearly two years for this baby. But like I said, as "Labor Day" approaches, the nerves start to kick in a little as I face the reality of becoming a mother.

Are you scared of giving birth? If you're already a mom, what did you do to prepare yourself for birth?

By the way, we have a full community thread about our fears of giving birth in our Moms In Training Community. Join us today!

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Comments

  1. Ok so I had all the same fears you did. I think it’s just fear of the unknown? Because now that I’ve gone through it I’m not as scared to do it a second time. Not sure what your birth plan is but I opted to do a natural birth. Mostly because I’m deathly afraid of needles so the epidural freaked me out more than the fear of pain! The worst part of labor for me was the transitional period. I was in so much pain that I actually considered getting an epidural! But once you hit that stage, you’re almost at the end! The pushing stage was actually the best part! The trick to not tearing is to take your time with pushing and allow the skin to stretch. I was super impatient and it felt better to push so I pushed him out quickly and I had 2 small tears. Honestly I could not even tell that I tore and the doc sewed me up quickly and I couldn’t feel anything. It wasn’t until after that it started to hurt but only when I was sitting, lying down was ok. Also, I didn’t take any of the pain meds after so I’m sure you’ll be fine! Lol… The biggest pain for me after labor was breast feeding! Your uterus contracts when you first start breast feeding so it’s pretty painful like really bad cramps…
    Sorry this was so long, I’m just really excited for you and hope this helps a little! Having a good support system is the most important thing. My husband was there every step of the way and I also had a doula with me. I couldn’t have done it without them!

    • Oh and I forgot to add… I highly recommend asking for a mirror when you’re in the pushing stage. I didn’t want to use one at first but my doula suggested it. It really helps you to control the pushing (you can see baby’s head going in and out, and you can see the skin stretching). It might help to prevent any tears!

    • Holy cow! Two small tears and you still had to get sewn up?! Oh my goodness gracious… I’m squirming just reading about it! You made it sound not so bad… LOL. I do admit, though, that the needle for the epidural freaks me out a bit, too.. I’m afraid of being paralyzed!

      You’re right. It’s definitely the fear of the unknown that gets to me as I’m sure it does most new moms. I will definitely keep your advice in mind- take my time to allow the skin to stretch. I’m really not sure if I can stomach the thought of having a mirror though… Who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind!

      Total big props to you for going the natural way! How long were you in labor? I’ve heard that the uterus contacts during breastfeeding… I actually just learned that not too long ago… no one ever told me that! I appreciate all your feedback and advice. Seriously. I almost feel like I’m walking into this blindly, lol.

      • Since this was my first time, I really had no idea when I was in labor! I had contractions a few days before I gave birth and each day I thought it was the real thing! Real contractions will come at a steady pace though. Mine started off 20 mins apart for a few hours, then 10 mins, then 5 mins. I ended up going to the hospital almost too late because my doula told me to wait till contractions were 3 mins apart! I don’t know if we were timing it wrong but we never got below 5 mins apart! My contractions started at 4:30am and I suffered till 4:30pm. That was the moment that a whole new level of pain hit me (it felt like extreme pain on my tailbone!) and I think that was the baby’s head almost ready to come out! I cried to my husband to take me to the hospital and the car ride down was the most excruciating pain ever since it hurt so much to sit. When we got to the hospital they checked me and were shocked to find out that I was fully dilated and they had to whisk me off to the delivery room already! I ended up giving birth at 7:30pm. So I guess my labor was about 15 hrs? I heard the second time around is much faster so I’m pretty excited about that! lol
        Are you taking any birth/child care classes? Those really help to prepare you and let you know what to expect! I took a 12-week Bradley Method course and some courses from Kapiolani Hospital. I was also googling things like every day! Lol!
        If you’d like, I could email you some charts from my Bradley class. It tells you what you should be feeling at all the different stages of labor. I found it to be extremely accurate for me although when you’re in the moment it’s hard to think straight!

        • Oh my goodness, Kelli, that’d be so AWESOME if you could share your charts with me! My email address is antengan@gmail.com.

          Wow, 15 hours of labor?! And sitting down hurts?! Holy guacamole. This should be fun LOL. I’m not taking any birthing classes (I wanted to, but changed my mind). I totally applaud you for waiting that long before going to the hospital!

          Thanks for always sharing your experiences with me! I was actually wondering if you have a blog too?

          • Kelli! I got it a few days ago and haven’t had a chance to reply! Girl, thank you for the pdfs! I was reading them on my phone (and oh boy, is it hard to read from such a small screen lol) and meant to read and respond to you from my computer, but haven’t had a chance to! Thank you again!!

  2. It’s ok. Big virtual hug! Every soon-to-be mom has those fears. But I’ll tell you a secret… They all disappear when you finally are in labor. 🙂 they melt away and all you want is for your baby to survive. And you’ll deal with the rest later. P.s. You’re fortunate to have so many bowel movements – most ladies are stuck for days! Have Aaron bring you a papaya for after you give birth. You’ll be thankful to doodoo then. 😉

    • Oh Kristen, you made me feel a little better. Honestly. I can only imagine that I’ll worry about nothing else once labor starts! Dealing with a single Braxton Hicks contraction is enough to make me think about nothing else but that jolt of pain!

      And papaya after birth? Oh my, I’m kinda lost. What will that do? Why will I be thankful? Will I have stuck doodoo or something??

  3. Hey Sweetie. You need a big (((HUG))). I’ve had two babies and all of your fears are valid. I had many fears myself going into my first labor. But I found that when I focused not on everything that could go wrong and focused on being present in the moment, I did not feel the fears nearly as much.

    Two of your four fears happened to me. I pooped while pushing. Yup, TMI, but there it is. Honestly it was funnier than it was embarrassing when it happened. Remember the nurses helping you have seen MUCH worse than a little bit of poop. 🙂 And I did tear with my first baby and need stitches and was pretty sore for a few weeks, but it just became part of the postpartum recovery. If there is one thing I wish I had been more prepared for it’s the reality of postpartum recovery. It’s not the most fun thing in the world. BUT. It’s not anything to be afraid of. It’s a very natural process. Your body has been growing a little human for nine months and then gave birth to it, of course things are going to be out of whack for a little while. Go easy on yourself, don’t feel like you have to be back to normal a week after giving birth.

    Oh and the epidural? Don’t worry, you never see the needle. 🙂 And they numbed me up really good at the injection site so I didn’t even feel the epidural.

    You are going to be absolutely fine. You’re a smart, strong, confident woman and you can do this. 🙂 Practice keeping a positive mindset, and be present in the moment. You got this.

    • Hi Melissa!

      Thanks for validating my fears. And seriously, nothing is TMI on this blog, LOL! So with your stitches, did you need to have them removed? Or did they dissolve on their own?

      I’m so glad you told me that I won’t see the epidural needle! I can’t imagine such a thick needle piercing my skin! Holy cow!

      Thank you for your advice. I’ll definitely practice keeping a positive mindset and being present in the moment. When it comes down to it, I’d rather have a vaginal birth and go through all that pain instead of a C-section. It’s part of the whole experience, right?!

      Hope you’ll stick around the blog more often. 🙂

  4. Hi Ashlyn!

    I’m finally visiting from our WTE forum. 🙂 Thanks for popping over to my page! I have to agree with all your fears! Right now I’m mostly worried about this baby being too big to fit! I have a growth scan this week so we shall see what they say! Keep in touch lady and we will pull through beautifully!

    • Sara!!! So good to see you on here!!

      Oh my goodness, totally sending good wishes your way with your growth scan! Were you measuring big for quite a while? Please keep me updated on your results! I’m so glad you took a minute to visit my blog. Seriously! I love the WTE forum, but it’s even more awesome to read everyone’s personal blogs to get to know more about them in depth!

      Definitely will be keeping in touch with you! YES. We will pull through!!

  5. I think fear the first time is totally normal, but I will say in the moment, I wasn’t afraid at all. I was so much calmer than I expected. I had a number of the same worries and most never came true. I didn’t tear, but did get an episiotomy – twice. Which sounds horrible, but wasn’t. I was aware of what was going on, trusted my doctor and was of sound enough mind to realize that if she didn’t do that, I would end up with a c-section. Something I did not want unless medically necessary plus who wants to be cut in 2 areas? At least the “damage” was limited. 😉 I can assure you all healed fine or I certainly wouldn’t be having a 2nd baby now!

    My preparation last time was taking a childbirth class at our hospital to better understand the process and what to expect in general. I also wrote a birth plan stating my “preferences” but with the understanding that I didn’t know what I was getting into and I was well aware that each birth is different so, obviously, whatever was best for my health and my child’s health had to overrule my “wants.” Some of my experience went along with my birth plan and some was different. Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing and hope my next is similar.

    • Sarah, I think that’s great that you went in with an open mind. Reading that you weren’t afraid at all during the moment is actually calming. I’ve been practicing changing my mindset about labor and birth to a more strong and positive outlook instead of fear. It definitely helps to have other women who’ve experienced it already share their stories. 🙂

      I do think I’ll take a childbirth class the next time around, too. I tried to convince the hubby that we should take a class, but he wasn’t up for it so we’ll see how this goes, lol! I do hope that your next experience is similar to your first!

  6. I am 29 weeks 3days today and it seems like every week is coming to soon I am definitely starting to get anxious, the thought of giving birth terrifies me!!!! 😨

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